maaf...terima kasih...

maaffff ya sayang....
thanks for extra stock of patience that u have.....
thanks for extra large size of understanding....
u know i do love you darling...
thanks for this journey that will continue with another scene of life...

stock....

Dear God...
please give me extra stock of patience....
to get through this bumpy road....
this journey...make me feel so exhausted somehow...
i just need to be strong..
mother earth...please help me to get my strength...
i just run out my stock....

now....

....The point is that what we usually think of as Now is really just us sitting and thinking about all the ramifications of our past and future actions. Our worries and concerns and hopes. We’re stuck in the ‘happily ever after’ mindset, which teaches us that enough effort will someday pay off....

If we really pay attention to Now, we’ll find that there’s very little going on in any given moment. Our life slows down, and we discover that almost no effort is necessary to deal with the Now moment.... (taken from here)

*why it's so hard for me to enjoy the NOW moment...

do i???

in my life....i don't have any obligation to please others...do i??
if u don't like me...it's easy just stay away from me....
if u don't like the way i'm living... it's easy just stay away from my life...
so the problem is all yours....
sometimes i feel it's quite exhausted.....thinking hard bout how to make other people happy..though they are important people in my life...
why can't we just respect each other life and decision...
sometimes i feel like i wanna fly far away from here....
living in a place which i don't know anybody.....mars might be my favorite......
i just need my own life...without interruption...
without any involvement from any other party...
without worrying what other people think bout me and my life....
hmmmm maybe it's my fault...
why should i be bothered about people talks....what people think...
hmmm... because maybe... i love that people soo much so that i still put their thought as my big consideration... *it's not that necessary somehow..
can we just love each other without asking things back in return.....asking them to do what we think it's good and suit for them...
everybody has their own life.... let them go by their own way.....
pfiiiuhh...Dear God and mother nature please help me through all this pathway of my life...

hidup...

tidak perlu melihat kehidupan orang lain
tidak perlu membandingkan dengan kehidupan mu
semua sudah ada jalannya
yang mungkin kau tak kan pernah tau
apa maksudnya... apa tujuannyaa...
dan kau tak perlu untuk mencari tau...
ini hanyalah hidup..
kalau kau masi hidup...ya hidup saja...
jalanilah hidup mu selagi kau masi hidup
hidup mu itu indah....yakinlah
selagi kau bisa menikmatinya...
jangan pernah khawatir...
jangan pernah takut...
kita hanya manusia...yang masi hidup
yang hidup....
terima kasih tuhan dan alam semesta yang masi menemanimu menikmati hidup..
terima kasih nafas yang masi terhela...
semoga kamu bisa selalu belajar untuk hidup dan bersyukur atas hidup karena kamu beruntung memiliki kehidupan.....

longing for u......

i just need you to be around....
holding me tight....
kiss me goodnite...
i miss you... i really do...
i really need you....
i just need you....

pengen oh pengen...

• kuliah lagi... hah dari dulu ini sih pengennya..tapi kurang effort dan penyakit males ga ilang2...
• ambil les masak ato bikin kue.... trus bisa usaha bikin kue sendiri dijual2in gitu... nitip2 di warung sebelah .. hahahaa
• les bahasa ini itu.... e.g bahasa jawa, bahasa madura, bahasa ambon, bahasa sunda... apa lah pokoknya bahasa..kakakakaa.. yang ga pernah kesampean krn itu tadi effort yang kurang dan males yang luar biasaaa...
• pengen belajar marketing di internet... (huaahh apalagi ini yang jelas2 tak punya background dan musti belajar dari 0... oh erykaaaa...)
• pengen punya warung kupi aceh.... kalo ini bersemangat skali..tapi tampaknya perlu modal2 yang laen selain semangat deh :-p
• pengen punya tempat doorsmer a.k.a tempat nyucian mobil ato motor...hehehe pengennya boookkk
• pengen dengan lancarnya nyetir mobil kesana kesini...parkir dengan mulus disana sini.... tapi apa daya.. skolah menyetir junior tampak tak cukup deeh...more practise please ga pake males dan takut yah...
• pengen ini itu...pengen ini itu...tapi usaha nya kurang
• masih stuck begini begini saja...
• at least berusaha untuk pengen (niat membela diri)
• at least ada niat untuk bermimpi pengen.... (excuse yang luar biasa)...
• mudah2an penyakit malas yang luar biasa dapat segera dienyahkan dari muka bumi ini..
• dan segera mencari jalan untuk merealisasikan keinginan2 tersebut diatas....

ubah...berubah...perubahan...mengubah....

life oh life....
banyak sekali kejadian yang terjadi beberapa bulan terakhir
sampai saya lupaaa....apa saja..
ups and down...
emotional moment....
yang terpenting sekarang...
saya harus menjalani hidup saya beserta orang-orang yang saya cintai dan mencintai saya..
another pathway of life...
berubah...sedikit...pasti
perubahan....adalah suatu yang pasti...
kita tidak mungkin sama...setiap hari setiap detik...
kita pasti berbeda.....mudah-mudahan menjadi manusia yang lebih baik...
berusaha selalu bersyukur atas semua nikmat dalam hidup saya...
semua yang terjadi adalah nikmat...
karena saya yakin saya mampu menikmati nyaaa...
terima kasih semesta...atas perjalanan hidup..yang membuat saya sampai pada titik ini....
saya selalu berdoa...semoga bisa menjaga perjalanan ini...
dengan tetap bersyukur....
bersyukur bahwa saya adalah manusia yang sangat beruntung...
bersyukur atas setiap helaan nafas saya....walaupun kadang terengah engah
toh saya masih tetap bernafas Tuhan....terima kasih....
semoga saya bisa menjadi manusia yang sabar....sabar untuk menunggu sesuatu yang memang tidak harus terjadi sekarang...melainkan di masa yang akan datang...sabar sajaaa...
semoga saya menjadi manusia yang penuh sadar dan mengerti.....
bahwa masa lalu itu sudah lewat.....jadi ya sudah lah....jangan terlalu dipikirkan...
semoga saya menjadi manusia yang sadar bahwa saya harus menikmati setiap perjalanan hidup saya....karena memang begitu jalan ceritanya....
tetap semangat...demi kehidupan.....

because you loved me....

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me


ps: thanks for everything sayang.....

insanity....

i just can't take it anymore....

it's been a while...

it's been a while....
since i don't have any idea to write...
since i don't even have things to think in proper way....
since i couldn't use my heart and my brain properly....
since i feel like all the things in this universe are against me.....
since i feel nothing....
since i feel so empty...
when i feel so tired....
when i feel like i'm so nothing....

hmmmm...untitled...

hmmmm....
grumbling...
blaming...
complaining...
....hmmmm...hmmmmm...hmmmmmm...

There's a phase in life when i feel numb...confuse...
i don't know where to stand, who i could trust or where should i lead my life to.....
When i begin to lose faith in everything....
When i start questioning everything......

A phase in life when i can't say which one is black which one is white...all i know is gray...

godspeed.....
just want to get up from all this odd things....
shut my brain down...
know nothing...
do nothing....
feel nothing...

*im so how how bin ntah ntah rite now...so just ignore all that u've read above...*

have you ever heard??

pernah denger kalimat kira2 sperti ini "orang yang bisa menyakiti mu adalah orang2 yang kamu cintai", yah kira2 seperti itulah bunyi kalimatnya...kalo ga beda beda tipis lah hayy...gw lupa bahasa inggrisnya...scara grammar gw lousy bin ancur gini...
sebenernya emang kalimat ini cukup masuk akal...
secara based on pengalaman *cuih* emang yang bisa nyakitin gw ya orang2 yang gw sayang gituh...
kalo gw ga sayang yahhh bodo amat kelaut aje lo...
contoh kecil... misalnya ada tukang sayur dipasar bikin masalah ama elo... paling lo ngomel2 tapi ga sampe sakit ati...ada juga tar tu tukang sayur yang gila lo bikin sakit ati...
nahhhhh tapi kalo orang2 yang lo sayang secara sengaja atau tidak sengaja atau mengakunya tidak disengaja...atau taunya tidak disengaja trus tampak kayak sengaja melakukan sesuatu yang dengan sengaja atau tidak sengaja atau mengakunya tidak disengaja trus tampak kayak sengaja tidak berkenan di hati lo...hmmmm bisa berdampak sakit hati....
pertimbangannya adalah:
1. kok dia tega sih begitu ama gw.....
2. kok bisa sih dia bgitu ama gw ......
3. kok gw sih yang digituin...apa salah gw...
4. kok....
5. kok.....
6. kok.....
dan kok kok kok kok yang laen *palelo bengkok* dan ditambah di ujung kalimat "padahal kan dia masuk daftar list orang yang gw sayang"..... pfiuhhhh ....indikasi bakal sakit hati....
hmmmm...again it's ur choice...
kalo lo sakit hati...it's ur problem...sapa suruh sakit hati...so enjoy it...
kalo lo ga bisa counter rasa sakit hati lo....it's ur problem sapa suruh lo ga punya kemampuan counter attack rasa sakit hati lo...
kalo lo ga bisa nrimo rasa sakit hati...it's ur problem...suruh sape lo ga bisa nrimo....
jadiiiiiiiiiiiiiii epriting back to ur choice lah... ur da decision maker of ur life...jadi no need to blame others for whatever things happened in your life....
just enjoy it....sakit ya sakit...abis itu sehat jadi lebih bisa menghargai sehat...krn tau ga enaknya sakit..
hmmmmm...love ur self more than everything in this world...so u can spread ur love to the world...

*ntah ya gw nulis dengan keadaan pikiran dan badan yang tidak menentu...i know it's my problem...so let me enjoy my problem...dan kalo lo ga mengerti tulisan ini juga it's ur prob...enjoy your prob fellas*

resentment...

haduhh segitu lamanya dengerin beyonce...
pagi ini gw baru tau kalo ada lagu bgini....

I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied

Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie...

happy birthday

happy birthday....
selamat ulang tahun...